Back at the Drawing Board

First, let me apologize for the lack of blogging. It's amazing how life can get in the way of actually living. After a few bobbles in my personal job market, I have landed at a good company that, while excellent for making mortgage, hasn't been conducive to keeping up with my writing projects. Almost seven months into this new job, I've finally started finding ways to carve out some much needed "free" time to work on what truly matters to me: the writing.

And speaking of my writing, as the title of this entry states, I have gone back to my first novel. It's been a year and a half since my agent started selling the book, sending it out to publishing houses and while there have been some hits, though not on target, there have been mostly misses. The majority of publishers have stated that the story is good but the writing isn't quite strong enough. Well, that hurt. Funnily enough, I always thought I was a lousy storyteller and the strength of my writing would pull me through that detriment. Always interesting when you learn the opposite of what you thought you know, especially when it pertains to yourself or your perception of yourself.

After careful consideration (and too many reference to the weak writing), I decided to rework the novel, to strengthen the writing and make the book more viable to future publishers. I worked on fleshing out the characters and their back stories. I worked on the multiple grammar issues (though that might be a loosing battle! What can I say, I like a run-on sentence.). I worked on clarification and exposition. And the novel grew from 70k words to almost 87k. Quite the growth spurt. All this time I thought the characters were done but apparently they weren't.

Eagerly I sent the refinished manuscript to my agent. And waited 3 excruciating weeks until she returned from vacation before she responded. Of course, I thought there would be nothing but praise. Of course, I had deluded myself. She had sent it to one of her readers and together they sent me back to the drawing board. Oh, there was praise. My agent loves the book. Loves my voice. Loves the story and the characters. But...it's just not there yet.

With the addition of 17k words, some portions of the book started to lag. The reader, to whom she had sent the book, thought there were too many characters. Sure she understood that they added to the authenticity of the small town world I had created but she felt that they troubled the waters too much. There were too many names to remember and, since some only appeared once in the book, they just cluttered her brain and detracted from the main story lines and characters.

And then there was the narrator's POV. It becomes clear at the end of the book why the narrator tells the story as he does but until then it might not make sense. As the writer, who knows what's happening at all times and why it is happening, you can "forget" to see your book, your story, your techniques from the outside view. After both the reader remarked that the narrator knew things he shouldn't have known, I could see how the POV was unrealistic (at least until the reader got to the ending). It wasn't the first time I had heard that observation. But to clarify in the beginning feels like it will lessen the ending which makes me apprehensive to do so, but,I suppose clarification (and less frustration) is more important than revelation, especially if there is the possibility that the reader will abandon the book before reaching the end.

So, I have begun the editing process yet again. I am approaching this editing process like a reader. I must be judicious with my cuts. It's not easy but it must be done. The reader stated that this "project should definitely be pursued." She loved the book. She loved the writing. She loved the story and the way I told it. Because of the small town feel of the book and the mysteries involved, she likened it to In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, one of my favorite books of all time. When my agent and I spoke the other day, she said she could see that but stated that the book has always reminded her more of To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, another of my favorite books. She believes this could be another book in that vein, with the accompanying phenomenon, which sounds fantastic but, truly, I just want to get published.

So I am back at the drawing board and will return as often as needed to get my novel the bookshelf. It's just what a writer does. And I am a writer.

Back Again

So, it's been a month since my last blog entry. Why the silence, you ask? Nothing personal. Nothing you did. It's me, not you!

Actually, it was me and the rewriting of the novel. As I stated in the Revision Update entry, I have been in the throes of editing my book, On the Edge of Someplace Else. While the feedback I had received from a couple of agents, as well as a couple of non-agent readers, simply suggested that the novel needed some tightening up, some reworking of the characterizations, to move the action along a tad quicker, and such, I started seeing it as much weaker than they did. I started seeing my fear in the writing: fear of being too obvious, too aggressive, too offensive with the subject matters (rape and child molestation). Once I realized this, I decided I had to dive deeper into these characters' lives and actions and motives for the novel to succeed, at least for me. So I jumped back in, but this time kept swimming until I reached the bottom, and with that the edit soon became an all out rewrite. From a tense change (from present to past, allowing reflection), to a narrative shift (from omniscient narrator to one of the main characters), the entire feel of the novel changed to one that, I feel, is more intense, weightier, more meaningful. So, the work has been more than worth it.

But why the fear in the first place, though? Of course, all writer's have fears: fear of missing the mark of their true intention, fear of not being understood, and, of course, fear of rejection. But this fear had to do more with being too raw for the reader. Instinctually, I am a raw writer. I love the blatant truth in writing. I love writing about difficult subjects plainly, without smoke, without mirrors. Just saying it, whatever "it" maybe be, gets it out of the way for the real excavation to begin. I've always written this way, astonishing many with the rawness and honesty. But for some reason in this novel, I found myself holding back. Maybe because these stories aren't, technically, mine, I didn't feel I could truthfully speak in my usual manner. But most likely, I just didn't trust that the readers of my novel could handle truth, honesty, and the raw reality of life. I snuck around the subject matters like a scared child, using tricks and subtlety that reeked of dishonesty and, most of all, fear. With this latest version, I decided to turn on the lights, show the reality of these characters' lives in all their blatant ugliness. And lo and behold, the book is the closest it's ever been to my original vision of the story.

So, the moral of this blog entry: Fuck the Fear! Simple as that. Works for writing, as well as life in general. Fuck the fear of even trying to be a published writer. Fear has kept me from this dream for far too long as it is, so fuck it, I say. Maybe I'll work up a t-shirt to sell. Maybe a bumper sticker, refrigerator magnets. I can see this happening, sweeping the nation. I can hear Obama starting the State of the Union address off with the new American motto: Fuck the Fear!

Who's with me? Who's gonna fuck the fear? We've got nothing to loose...but the fear.

Been Away

Just a quick note to tell why I've been MIA on the blog. I've been focused on the rewrite/re-visioning of my book. I think it's going very well. I've chopped 35 pages/over 10,000 words from the first part of the book (Book is in 2 parts). The book reads so much better now, tighter dialogue, tighter action/tension. It's been amazing, though difficult and hopefully worth all the work. Not sure I'd be able to make anymore radical revisions after this, so it better work.

In addition to the radical revision (switch to one narrative voice from multiple, switch from present tense to past tense), I've been working off this amazing list of "Ten Mistakes Writers Don’t See (But Can Easily Fix When They Do)" that I got off Twitter. Talk about really tightening the manuscript! It's a must for any writer who hasn't become aware of those writing habits/quirks that can make a manuscript annoying to read (I have an affinity for the word "just" for some reason. In my search of the first half of the book--98 pages--I used the word 153 times!). It's been a very enlightening process.

So, that's why I haven't had time to blog, but I'll get something else here this weekend. Until then, back to the editing board!

Jeff

Revision Update

Just about a week ago, I realized, via feedback from one of the agents to which I had submitted my partial, that my novel, On the Edge of Someplace Else, was in need of a serious revision. The agent, who will remain nameless though I am grateful for her comments and suggestions, said the story was interesting but the book itself moved too slow. After licking my wounds for a couple of days, I took another look at my book with her comments in mind, and lo and behold, she was completely right! My first thought was to just chuck the project and continue with my second book (word on the publishing street is that most "first" novels never see the light of a bookstore anyway). But in all honesty, I couldn't send it to its grave. It had been a part of me for too many years and I know the story is interesting and has something to "say", that I couldn't not do all I could to get it right.

So, I went back in. Just as I was wrestling with the rewrite, someone (the wonderful Sarah Cypher, as a matter of fact) offered an amazing bit of advice that she learned/heard from the author, Tom Spanbauer, he of the "dangerous writing" school of writing, which includes such notables as Amy Hempel and Chuck Palahniuk, and espouses the act of writing "dangerously": "writing what personally scares or embarrasses you in order to explore and artistically express those fears honestly."

Now, what Tom Spanbauer said, via Sarah Cypher, is "we should write as if we're telling our story to a person on his deathbed." At first I balked at this bit of "writerly" advice. Yes, actually balked! But then, when the revision I was working on was still churning out huge buckets of boring, I thought I might as well give it a try.

I sat down next to this dying person (in my head he's old and frail, not so much on his immediate death bed, but he's not getting up any time soon) and started telling him the story. It didn't take long to realize that it wasn't me speaking, but Brian, one of my main characters. He is the one that had to tell the story (he always was the one, but I had forgotten that after too many years of reapproaches and revisions). And he is the only one who could tell the story, because he's the one that lived it, not me. So, I let him talk and, my God, he's a good storyteller! His is the voice I've been hearing all this time but kept filtering it through me (with the safety on). His voice is so much clearer and stronger and braver than mine ever was, so I'm letting him tell what he needs to tell. And he's doing an amazing job. I'm grateful to hand over the reins.

And the revision is going well. Better than well, it's going great. I'm excited and energized and so is the story again. I get up each day looking forward to re-entering the world of my novel to find out what I'm going to learn next, and that's a great feeling.

So I thank that nameless agent. I thank Sarah. I thank Tom. But most of all, I thank Brian. Keep telling your tale and they will follow.

Some Links:

http://www.dangerouswriting.org/
http://www.tomspanbauer.com/
http://chuckpalahniuk.net/